Sunday, July 30, 2006

Light Bulb


How many nebosh tutors does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Anything not completed during the lesson is added to the homework.

How many architects does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but he has to coordinate ten other professionals who are doing this very complicated task.

How many safety engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. safety engineers do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause as to why the last one went out.

How many nebosh students does it take to change a light bulb?
None. That's a diploma subject.

How many diploma 1 students does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the rest of the class copies the report.

How many diploma 2 students does it take to change a light bulb?
"Will this question be in the final examination?"

How many Msc students does it take to change a light bulb?
"10,000 words latter I’ll have to do more research and resubmit?"

How many environment students does it take to change a light bulb?
Seven. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years.

Under normal public purchasing conditions, how many civil servants does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the light bulb. One to hold the ladder (for health and safety!)

Under PFI:

One Privatised off shoot employee to change the bulb. Another to hold the ladder and a third to replace the temp who was holding the ladder but who has now got a permanent job elsewhere. Five light bulb changing consultants to develop a business case for changing said bulb and four more (from a different consultancy) to independently evaluate the first lots bid. Plus two separate teams of lawyers to make sure everything’s OK for both public and private perspectives.

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How many Safety Managers does it take to change a light bulb?
Fifty-Four.
8 to argue
1 to get a continuance
1 to object
1 to demur
2 to research precedents,
1 to dictate a letter
1 to stipulate
5 to turn in their time cards
1 to depose
1 to write interrogatories
2 to settle
1 to order a secretary to change the bulb, and
28 to bill for professional services


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Safety news, safety photos and a few safety jokes
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