Friday, September 22, 2006

safety photos


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safety photos
Safety news, safety photos and a few safety jokes

Tools

DRILL PRESS

A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you were drying.

WIRE WHEEL

Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the work bench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say, "Ouch...."

PLIERS

Used to round off bolt heads.

HACKSAW

One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS

Used to round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH

Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside a wheel hub you're trying to get the bearing race out of.

WHITWORTH SOCKETS

Once used for working on older British cars and motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or ½ socket you've been searching for the last 15 minutes.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK

Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new disk brake pads, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

EIGHT-FOOT LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2 X 4

Used for levering an automobile upward off a hydraulic jack handle.

PHONE

Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic floor jack.

SNAP-ON GASKET SCRAPER

Theoretically useful as a sandwich tool for spreading mayonnaise; used mainly for getting dog-do off your boot.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR

A tool that snaps off in bolt holes and is ten times harder than any known drill bit.

TWO-TON HYDRAULIC ENGINE HOIST

A handy tool for testing the tensile strength of bolts and fuel lines you may have forgotten to disconnect.

CRAFTSMAN ½ x 16-INCH SCREWDRIVER

A large motor mount prying tool that inexplicably has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end without the handle.

AVIATION METAL SNIPS

See hacksaw.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER

Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to round off Phillips screw heads.

PRY BAR

A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER

A tool used to cut hoses ½ inch too short.

HAMMER

Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are trying to hit.

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safety photos
Safety news, safety photos and a few safety jokes

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Big bang


An explosion occurs in a paint mixing room, and once all the mess has been cleared up, the inquiry begins.

One of the few surviving witnesses is called to make a statement. "Okay Simpson," says the investigator, "you were near the scene - what happened ?"

"Well, it's like this. Old Charlie was in the mixing room, the break bell went off, old Charlie sat on top of a drum of acetone, I saw him take a cigarette out of his pocket and start to light up."

"He struck a match in the mixing room?" the investigator said in stunned horror, "How long had he been working in the mixing room?"

"About 20 years, sir"

"After 20 years he goes and strikes a match in the mixing room, I'd have thought it would have been the last thing he'd do."

"It was, sir."


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safety photos
Safety news, safety photos and a few safety jokes

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Scotsman.com Business - Office & workplace - Walking or taking the lift.. it's a risky business for Health and Safety staff

Scotsman.com Business - Office & workplace - Walking or taking the lift.. it's a risky business for Health and Safety staff: "They are described in concise reports which give details in classic officialese.

• In January 2003, a lift at the HSE Glasgow office got stuck 18 inches below the level of the floor. 'IP [Injured Person] exiting lift failed to notice that lift not level with floor resulting in IP tripping.'

• August of the same year saw an official at the organisation's office in Aberdeen get caught in a lift door. 'It then started to close and banged against IP's shoulder and arm and then proceeded to finally open.'

• In December 2003, again in Aberdeen, 'IP walking down stairs and slipped on landing which had recently been washed, bruising knee. Floor was wet with no warning signs.'

• Another reported: 'Returning from lunch, slipped in car park, grazing hands and bruising knees. Was walking up slight gradient in wet conditions across 'knobbly' non-slip slabs.'

• In January 2004, again at the HSE office in Aberdeen, the diffuser from an overhead light crashed to the floor just in front of a startled individual.

• That June, a member of staff in Edinburgh reported: 'Box fell on toe, resulting in bruise.' Another reported: 'Thigh strain from using steps up to Portacabin.' And yet another in Edinburgh was involved in the following incident: 'Fell over speed bump and grazed hand and knee.'

• In the same month, in Aberdeen, a staffer reported: 'Cut from penknife whilst opening a box.' And another described: 'Laceration to right thumb.'

• January 2005 saw a staffer in the capital whack their head on a whiteboard. It reported: 'Unpacking bag on floor when straightened up and hit head on corner of pen shelf of whiteboard - cut to scalp. Pen shelf to be removed.'"

Monday, September 04, 2006

'6 Million People Have Literacy Problems'

FE News.co.uk: Further Education and Work Based Learning NVQ news website.: "'No one should underestimate the importance of the skills crisis all of us in FE are facing. But the recent complaining by employers about the skills levels of their newly employed workers has a bit of a hollow ring.

'Today no less than one in three employers refuse to offer training to their workforce in spite of the incentives that the government is offering. This means that 8.5 million workers are being denied training – and many of them are in the greatest need."



Ultra Linking

Children told to stay off radioactive beach

Telegraph | News | Children told to stay off radioactive beach: "By Simon Barber
(Filed: 04/09/2006)

A beach near Dounreay power station has become Britain's first officially acknowledged radioactive public landscape after pieces of plutonium fuel rods were found there."